This is a poem I wrote as part of a poetry workshop in Santa Cruz

What I Want

What I Want can’t really be written because
I wouldn’t want to admit it even to myself.
Part of it is dark; part of it is risque;
Part of it no one can know.

What I might SAY I Want
Would be said only to please others -
Love, caring, comfort, freedom from
Pain and death

I MIGHT even want world peace;
Certainly want to stop brutality,
Human trafficking, squalor, needless disease.

I Want my children to be happy
I Want my mother to die before indignity
I’d love to be able to freely share and communicate
with my siblings without prejudice

I’d like to be open to change and growth
to die with dignity myself
to age with grace and equanimity

I’d like to choose easily to wear outlandish hats
and garish colors that please only myself

I’d love to have waves break over me
without fear of the undertow;
feel the strength of a whale,
warmth of the Sun.

I Want to take my youngest granddaughters on a trip
to the other side of the world.
Watch them wonder at the different ways people live.
To carry them on my shoulders
and have them laugh!

I’d love to watch the leaves turn pink and purple and back to pink,
fade to translucent blush, waft on to the stream,
float out of sight.

I Want to stop writing right here, but not before
tasting the lips and touching the skin of Naomi.

But, since I can’t stop, I’ll Want some more:

Good coffee, down quilts, warm fireplace, a nice pinot
(a little on the fruity side), dreamless sleep, time
reminiscing about old friends and old times
with smiles returning on people from long ago.

Passionate politics, dreams of perfection,
visiting with Michelangelo or Da Vinci -
even Jefferson or Franklin would do.

I’ve really got to bail on this project.
I can start again -

I want to be free from ringing in my ears,
from wanting my mind to be numbed.
To be able to tolerate more
discord, disjunction, dismay, disappointment.
Let the buzz reverberate before trying to turn it off.

It would be great to just “go for it” without
worrying about what happens to the rest of the world or to others.
Just serve myself.

Bob Dylan said, “You’ve gotta serve somebody”.
I say “Why not serve yourself”.
Now I’m getting too close to the first part of my song.
Need to stop now - too dark.
Don’t want to know.

Just a note!  I'm alive and well.  Doing a lot of transition including getting to know Northampton, Massachusetts where we are spending some time and hoping to move to in the near future.

Telephones - Cellphones

Naomi and I, after dinner, stand around the kitchen island discussing how to make contact with our teenage grandchildren: Email - they almost never open their account; Call on the phone - they don't answer and their voice mail is full and they never check it anyway; Text - we live too far off the grid for our cellphones to work.

During our excursions out into the 'grid' we do find 'Texting' often elicits a response. I find myself wondering out of frustration - do young people even think of using phones for voice. Even the word Telephone seems quaint and out-of-date. It is now 'smartphone' or 'cell phone'. I find myself feeling like a hopeless hick every time I say telephone - sort of like dropping the 'g' on words endin' in ing. The word telephone seems as dated as 'rotary dial'. I don't begrudge the changes in the world. I just wish I could keep up without having to work on it. I feel like a play actor in a foreign culture where I have to keep studying new scripts handed out to me by forces beyond my control and I'm struggling to keep up.

Woodcock Romance

A couple of evenings ago I heard my first 'Peent' of the season. That's not to say that it was the first of the season, but it was the first I heard. Well after sunset, as the twilight gathers in the early Spring, even while there is still significant snow on the ground, you can hear this persistent penetrating, rasping with some high pitches puncturing through the rasp - 'peent'. While it is making this sound the Woodcock is slowly walking around a little clearing in the tall grasses or alders somewhere near a stream with its body gently bobbing as it makes each 'peent'. It looks like a little wind up toy. It is also very hard to see and you have to be still and very observant. Fortunately, the animal is not too shy and allows a quite close approach, if you exercise a modicum of caution. But this is not the interesting part.

After a short time marching around 'peenting', the bird launches itself pretty much straight up in the air like an overgrown grasshopper, or a small fluttering helicopter with its rotors not exactly balanced. It goes up pretty much out of sight to all but the keenest eye on the clearest evening making quite a sound as it does so. Then in a few moments you hear the actual mating song and then the bird will drop in a zig-zag fluttering manner like a falling leaf and land on the ground right next to where it took off. If you are really careful, you can sort of sneak up on the launching and landing place and wind up with the bird almost landing on top of you in its return flight. Here is a sound recording of the whole performance. And here is a youtube of the flight under the lighting conditions that you might encounter.

Right Now!

I sit - wood fire cozy - in my favorite chair

Looking out at a snow buried back yard.

Old gray snow

Littered with pine needles, small branches, leaves -

All the detritus of Winter's storms.

Picnic table upside down

Leaning against a boulder

Keeping punky feet dry.

Maybe one more season?

Hammock frame's splayed posts

Sticking up from the snow.

Blue tarp grasping the woodpile

Flappin' in the wind.

Pair of Ravens cruising overhead,

Hoping melting snow reveals some missed morsel -

An earlier victim of Winter's trials.

Arriving to the Blizzard of '11 in Chicago from Spring in Santa Cruz

On Jan. 31, '11 we flew into Chicago from sunny and warm Santa Cruz where the temp. was in the mid 70s with Spring flowers. On the next day, 1st of Feb., in Oak Park we experienced amazing blizzard. By about 7pm we lost electric power and heat in Jenna's apartment house. We were forced to crash on her sofa bed because we couldn't risk the walk through the storm back to our hotel room. An impromptu pajama party sans pajamas ensued! One of Jenna's neighbors with her child also spent the night because everyone was a little intimidated by the dark and high pitched sounds coming from the fire alarm system. Candles and flashlights were brought out. The girls played 'dress up' with clothes set aside in a special box just for this kind of thing. The girls also enjoyed playing games with flashlights and shadows. The night was punctuated by several thunder and lightening snowstorms wind gusts up to 60 mph swirling around the courtyard, and 18 inches of snow. On the morning of the 2nd we walked down the main street of Oak Park - down the middle of the street, since there was no traffic. No businesses were open. The main streets were plowed, but side streets are not really open yet at 1pm. At our hotel, one person showed up for work - a very determined cleaning woman who offered to restock our supplies of linen and stuff. It is dramatic and fun! Below are some of our photos showing the contrast and you can -

Click here for NY Times story and photos .

Almond blossoms in Santa Cruz - Jan. 30

At right - Main Business Street in Oak Park - 11am on Tues. Feb. 2

Magnolia Blossoms in front of our place in Santa Cruz Jan. 30

Naomi at left standing in the middle of one of the busiest crossroads in Oak Park. The wrought Iron fence at the right is at least 3 feet high! The snow was dense enough so people could walk on it pretty easily - packed down because of being shifted around so much by the wind. The woman in the pink/purple parka was looking for a cup of coffee - none to be found - even Starbucks was closed. Everything eerily quite for the middle of the day.

Hiking at Wilder Ranch in Santa Cruz

Today was a beautiful January day in Santa Cruz with lots of sun, cool temperatures, and big breakers on the ocean. Naomi and I hiked along the flat trail out to the ocean at Wilder Ranch. We observed a person doing some conservation plantings in the marsh below the trail(maybe California's budget travails haven't resulted in a total loss of conservation efforts), saw some deer, numerous rabbits, huge numbers of gulls, and ocean breakers that topped the cliffs along the ocean. We both had our new Droids with us and took some pictures. I thought this one might be interesting for our Adirondack friends. If only we needed to post these Mountain Lion warning signs in the Adirondacks, they would be a much more complete place.

Crown Point Bridge Construction

About a year ago the old Crown Point Bridge was demolished after being deemed unsafe and in danger of collapsing into the lake along with whatever cars and passengers happened to be on the bridge at the time (Click here for video of the demolition explosion - yes, you will have to suffer through an ad). The loss of the Bridge has caused tremendous stress for thousands of people living on both sides of Lake Champlain. Many businesses are dependent on free flowing traffic across the Lake between Vermont and New York. The closest Specialized Life Saving Medical Care, Jobs, Entertainment, Major Sources for Consumer Products - cars, appliances, groceries, etc. lay across the lake for many in the towns and villages near the bridgehead in New York. Soon after the destruction, clean up and construction of a new bridge was started.

Above is an artist rendering of the new bridge. It is slated to be completed by Oct. of 2011 and is reportedly on schedule.

Yesterday, Naomi and I took a drive down to the construction site to see how the new bridge is coming along. We took the opportunity to have lunch at the Bridge Restaurant - now renamed the "NO" Bridge Restaurant. Here are some photos of the project.

Two new pedestals for the approach to the bridge from the Vermont side. One of the cranes involved in the construction is positioned beween the two.

A Tug pushes a barge with two cement trucks into position to pump cement into the footing for a pier for the new bridge. This gives some idea of the size and scope or the $70 million effort to reconnect people with jobs and services.

One of the two ferries providing year round free 24 hour service across the lake at Crown Point until the new bridge is finished.

The Daily Special for Veterans Day at the rechristened restaurant on the Vermont side of the bridge. Great food! The cheerful waitress lives on the New York side and commutes via the ferry every day.

Cleaning the flue 10/30/10

Dreary fall day with drizzle of rain all day and highs in the mid 40s. Doing a few outdoor chores around the place to get ready for winter and before I'm laid up because of upcoming toe surgery. Protecting woody stemmed perennials from mice girdling their bark by wrapping them in cloth. Picking some late season broccoli - it is so amazingly sweet after first frosts. Generally getting cold and wet. Then, this afternoon I was inspired to clean the flue to the wood stove in the bedroom with the flue brush. Seems a fitting task for Halloween eve with the associated soot and blackness and black top hat and perching precariously on a roof top - a wet and slick one at that. Naomi freaks out (a little hyperbole on my part here) because she is afraid I'll fall off and kill myself - especially with my bad hip and all. So, she is torn between hiding somewhere down in the house where she can't see or hear (except maybe the thud of me falling off the roof), and keeping an eye on me and offering cautionary admonitions, etc. I help her out of the quandary by calling to her to hand me some additional equipment I need to do the job. Anyway, the job is well done and I'm no worse for wear. Pushing back by another year the time when I'll no longer be able to do the chores and have to hire someone to take care of us.

North Truro October, '10

FOG

Gray fog, water, and still air

muffle

Indeterminate distant sounds and the

Tide stealthily sidles up the tan sand

Gulls, nonchalant, grooming, pretending

Others don't exist

Yet each guards with quickened eye

it's own space

Watching, hoping --

That from the enveloping gray

where there is no defined form and

where disembodied light and sound

come from everywhere

--- Something will come from somewhere.

First Frost

Today was the first killing frost of the season in our valley. It has been a very long and productive summer in the garden. In picture at the left from earlier in the summer, Naomi picks some Zinnias for the table.

Below are some sunflowers with purple kale in front.

Family reunion summer '10

Family reunion August 2010

Happy and Grandpa Joe with the Grandchildren on our bed dressed is hats!

Maria and Tovah shooing a fly and singing 'Shoofly don't bother me' while getting ready to pick in the garden.

Tovah and Maria holding beets in the shadow of the sunflowers.

Mugging for the camera at De Cesare's Pizza! Samson, Lauren, Esther.

At the Lake House!

Attitude on the head of a caterpillar at Schroon Lake

Bridging the back of the caterpillar

Tovah and Maria at the head of the caterpillar!

Mitch, Bekah, and Tovah on the deck at Highland

Samson, Micah, Esther

Samson and Esther.

Parental abuse!

Wonderland

Sukkot!

Sukkot is one of the most amazing holidays in the Jewish calendar. It celebrates the fertility of the land. It makes clear our dependence on forces beyond our control. It gets us outdoors during one of the most spectacular times of the year. It makes us a participant in the changing of the seasons and the continuity of life. We don't just decorate a tree, we entwine a vine of the fruitfulness of life around our soul.

Ufros aleinu, sukkat schlomecha is baked on the tiles above our kitchen and hangs as a sign in our sukkah. Spread over us the shelter of your peace.

This year the main decorative motif of our sukkah is corn. One of the oldest food plants modified by humans and a mainstay of sustenance for modern human life. Given to us by Native Americans working with the Wondrous Heritage of the Earth.

Relaxing under the shelter of the Sukkah with the motif of the exodus from Egypt and the entry into the wilderness with confidence in the continuity of life with our efforts and the presence of What Is Given to us.

The Sukkah in context even in the Adirondacks!

Great holiday!

Esther butchers a chicken summer of '10

Esther arrived a few days early for the summer family reunion. This allowed for some special time and special activities with her. One of these activities was butchering some of our home raised chickens. Esther was very interested in participating in the harvest of our summer's work raising chickens for our own consumption. We really believe in 'Knowing who we eat'. It was moving to introduce Esther to a way of living that she otherwise would not have exposure to - living in Santa Cruz in an academic community. It was fulfilling for me to pass on a tradition that I learned from my parents to my grandchild. I am grateful for this kind of opportunity.Esther brings the chicken up from the henhouse for slaughter!

Esther plucks the chicken of it's feathers

Esther pulls the innards from the chicken

Esther preparing the gizzard - chicken's stomach for cleaning

She does an excellent job and is not at all squeamish. Congratulations!

Visit to the Orchard with Tovah

This last week we spent a few days in Northampton with Mitch, Bekah, and Tovah. One of the things Happy and I did was spend a couple of hours with Tovah picking apples and eating Whoopi Pies at an orchard in Westhampton. Happy thinks that Grandpa Joe might be a bad influence on Tovah, but I think I'm fighting an uphill battle. There are too many people working on the other side for my influence to run very deep. Here are some pictures and a short video.

Tovah was an energetic picker and bag stuffer

Winsome, anyone?

But the Whoopie Pie after all that hard outdoor work was best of all!

More pictures from Esther's Bat Mitzvah in June

The last post covered the basic Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Here are additional pictures of friends and family.

Juan and Mom

Aunt Deborah sitting between Uncle Michael and Grandpa Joe.

Uncle Michael in discussion with Tovah.

Mitch, Bekah, and Tovah

Maria and Tovah.

Jenna and Maria

Aunt Miriam and Uncle Bruce

Bracha and Esther

Dad, Orkida, and Raphael

Friends

Happy and Grandpa Joe

Hiatus performing the night before the Bat Mitzvah - Miguel and Samson

Miguel and his Fans

Lunch on the Wharf - Maria and Jenna

The Tannen sisters with Bracha on the wharf with the amusement park in the background

Juan reads to Esther as part of the ceremony

Aunt Deborah and Uncle Michael

Natalia